My mother’s birthday is tomorrow, so Friday’s post is probably going to be a compendium of stupid stories about her. (Just so you’re forewarned.) Today, though, I was planning on writing a post about how she’s strangely difficult to buy for, in the sense that she insists she always likes everything you give her so get whatever you want, and fine, Mom, but are you really saying that time I flew you to Portland was on the same level of awesome as that time I got you the artsy but fairly confusing scarf that involved several different forms of textile? because I DON’T BELIEVE YOU MOTHER…but joking about presents reminded me of my family’s longstanding choice of Joke Gift Item: the shovel.
I mean, no one’s actually received a shovel as a gift. But if you ask what you’re getting, the default response is that come Christmas/birthday/Easter morning, looks like someone’s getting a shovel! I’m guessing the joke is rooted in the fact that we have always had dogs. Typically big dogs. That run around a backyard. So pretty much the worst household chore is to go clean up the backyard, which inevitably involves a shovel. (Mazel tov! I got you a poopy shovel!) But come to think of it, we’ve never really delved (ho ho, do you see what I did there? eat your heart out Seamus Heaney) into the history of the joke; it’s just one of those phrases that gets deployed by everyone in the family without thinking too much about its meaning. (This is also why I refer to “eating pee dirt,” despite the fact that, come to think of it, I’m not sure whether it’s pee or pea dirt. But the line comes from my father, so probably pee.)
Anyone else grow up with only partially-explained family catchphrases? If so, I would love to hear them. In the meantime, I’ve got to go find some more wrapping paper, because this Birthday Shovel has an extra-festively-long handle. All the better to scoop you with, my dear…
